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Warning: there’s no sex here

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Get funky outside of the bedroom, just not in these places.Sometimes hooking up in random places can be very exciting for couples, especially when the relationship begins to settle and the sex life needs a little spice.

It’s not all fun and games, however. There are definitely some places that should be avoided when experimenting with location.

This should be fairly obvious, but don’t do it in your roommate’s bed! Not only is it gross, but if they ever found out, they’d probably feel disgusted. If it happens…clean the sheets, please. It’s just common courtesy, people.

Staying in the dormitory, the stairs and shower are also off-limits. If anyone hears moaning, they’re going to be annoyed because they’re not getting laid. And chances are, those showers aren’t the cleanest…there’s a reason most dorm dwellers wear shower sandals. Plus there’s no space to really move around… expect plenty of bruises and sore elbows.

What about the classroom or study lounge, you ask? Please. Pleaseeee! Don’t do it… you’ll end up giggling when you see someone sit at the desk where you did it and everyone will notice. Then they’ll think you’re a ho, which is just the pits.

Sex in the library is always everyone’s fantasy but where’s the fun if you can’t be loud? We suppose the excitement of trying to keep it down is alright, but really? Also, college libraries are patrolled now because so many students try to steal books or deface property. Thanks, assholes… way to ruin it for all the horndogs out there.

Similarly, having sex in the college stadium might seem like a good idea, but those benches are not comfortable at all. We suppose there’s the middle of the field, but like…grass stains, hello!

Nicknamed the “Nosh n’ Nookie,” hooking up at a fast food establishment is also not a bright idea. Those bathrooms are not very clean and we’re pretty sure you’d get caught. On the other hand, the idea of eating a Big Mac and then gettin’ it on is oddly arousing.

Oof. Anyone reading this who can attest to the Alleyway hook up knows it’s not the way to go. It’s cold, grimy and usually these roadways are covered in vomit, especially if you live in the city. When it’s over, “not only did you lose your keys, your panties, and your [buffalo wings], but also the little dignity you had left,” says Samantha Shaughnessy of The Black Sheep Online. Again, this is also a place you can get caught… or mugged.

The backseat of a car is cute, but we don’t live in the musical “Grease” or any 70’s high school flick. Also, someone’s eventually going to end up doing “The Leo” and wipe their hand on the steamed up window. Awkward… your date will not think it’s cute.

And for the record, having sex in the middle of parking lot at a preschool at 10:00 p.m. is also not OK. It is almost a surefire way of getting arrested. Trust us.

So where ARE good places to hook up? What about a boat? No water nearby? How about a tent in the woods?

There’s always hotel rooms, cottages in the woods, your parent’s house, their parent’s house, the dog house (after you get caught doing the nasty in McDonald’s. Gross), a nightclub VIP lounge, and oh, alright. The backseat idea isn’t that bad, really.