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3 reasons why you shouldn’t keep an alien in your fridge for 2 years

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I don’t care if this is or is not in fact an extra-terrestrial, there are so many reasons why you should not keep what you perceive to be an alien in your fridge for two years, or even a day for that matter.

1. You don’t know that that shit is definitely dead. It’s a God damn alien. Maybe it can put itself into a comatose state just so that Marta Yegorovnam’s dumb ass will bring it into her home for it to then terrorize. Sci-fi movie in the making right there. Steven Spielberg, take notes.

2. WHEN said alien wakes up from his sneaky coma in your fridge, he is going to eat all your food. Say goodbye to leftovers from Grandma’s house. She made fresh manicotti and meatballs, but your pet alien doesn’t give a shit about you…he is going to devour all’a’dat. You can also say goodbye to that red velvet cake. Everyone knows aliens have a mean sweet tooth. We’ve all seen E.T.

3. After waking up from coma and eating Grandma’s manicotti and meatballs, the alien WILL kill your ass. Besides the aliens in Spice World, and even they copped a feel of Ginger or Scary or one of them, have you ever heard of a pleasant encounter with extra terrestrials? No. They abduct, strangle, stab, bite, eat your food, and kill you. That’s about the extent of an alien’s capabilities.

The only reason you should keep an alien in your home is if you are 2397% positive they are going to become your personal slave. Gotta raise ’em right.