There’s a very important debate that will probably never die, but it’s a topic that we should embrace, especially given the college dating scene’s reputation as being somewhat slutty.
The debate? Should you have sex on the first date?* Sure, making out and maybe a little over the sweater action can’t hurt, but does completely embracing a new partner within hours of getting to know one another make a good equation?
We’re not going to say you shouldn’t do the deed, but let’s examine the subject of sex on the first date as we’re sure many of you have no idea what to say after that awkward:
#1 “Well, that was fun!”
#1 “So do you want to go out again” (steps closer)
#2 “umm. Ummmm. Sure!”
The problem with sex on the first date is two-fold. First and foremost, you don’t really know the person – oh sure, you may have just spent four hours with them, but you don’t know who they are as a person. You can hear an entire life story in a day but still not completely understand them, because, honestly…they probably don’t know themselves that well anyway (ahem, college students, we’re looking directly at you.)
In addition, they could be really bad in bed. Think about it… people are much more likely to stay together once they’ve taken the time to be comfortable with one another.
People who hook up and have awkward bunny rabbit sex aren’t going to be calling each other the next day. Couples who wait are comfortable enough (or at least should be) seeing each other naked, however, should be able to talk about things if they get awkward. Lack of orgasm, uncomfortable positions, immaturity (if you catch our drift) are all on the table once you’ve established a relationship.
Without a relationship, it’s much easier to blow off the guilty/awkward party who made the sex somewhat unbearable.
Of course, if you’re going on a date just for a hook up, then having sex is a perfectly acceptable way to end the night. However, “date” and “hook-up” are not the same thing, so make sure there is clarification going into the romantic encounter.
Another reason to wait is the hotness factor. According to CollegeNews.com, “waiting to have sex gives both of you an opportunity to learn little details you may have overlooked if you rushed into sex. Give him [or her] chance to learn where you like to be kissed, teased and caressed.”
Basically it comes down to this: if you are looking for a relationship, avoiding having sex on the first date. Unless you’re super drunk and won’t remember what happened the night before, it’s a generally bad idea.
Waiting helps set up a sense of security with the person you’re priming to have sex with, plus it’s kind of hot.
As YourTango.com says, “Understand that when you tell a guy that you’re not going to have sex, he doesn’t take it as a literal there’s-no-chance you’re getting in my pants; he takes it as a challenge, a chance to rob the gold… From that point on, he’ll not only want it, he’ll want to get you to want it – and that will bring out the best lover he can be.”
So if you want a guy who’s going to give it all he’s got, hold off and make him wait.
If not, you could end up facing another lonely night… we hope you have a storage pack of batteries.
*Dates on spring break are not taken into account when discussing this topic.