Just in case you needed a reminder about those horrible one-night stands that happen at least twice a year, there is now a website to help you feel even worse about yourself.
Yup, “nOOkist” (nice touch with the double “o,” pervs.), a new social networking site that already has 20,000 members, gives users “the ability to quickly glance at your sexual history… provid[ing] as much information as possible so that you can make an accurate and sound judgement pertaining to your sex life,” reports ThoughtCatalog. “All of the statistics are in real-time, and represent your sexual activity.”
We weren’t quite sure exactly how it worked, so yes, we made an account to see how it would go down.
Essentially, after you make an account with a username and password (e-mail confirmation is required) you click “add an entry” and fill out the online form. It’s in-depth too.
Here is what’s asked… what’s required with a “*”. And how awful it made us feel… we used an example from the past (one whom we have yet to contact ever since – despite having his number).
First Name: (entered, but left out for the protection of our unfortunate “friend”) *
Last Name: (unknown… seriously. Sad emoticon.)
Birthday (June 6, 1987…we totally made this up)*
Virgin: (Unknown… but maybe? Hope not!)
Bisexual: (Unknown…probably not)
Spouse: (Unknown… but no)
Location information – (Cambridge, MA, USA)*
Now, if you aren’t sure about that information above, such as not knowing where it happened, that’s ok, because that’s not really what “nOOkist” cares about.
It’s time for the actual session interview! Good grief, this section was horrible, and we’re pretty sure we didn’t even tell our friends this much detail.
Intensity: (on a scale of 1-10, 5)
Length (5 mins. Seriously… like REALLY?!)
Threesome: (link entry here! No thanks.)
Session Note: it sucked. And we still don’t know his last name. Cute, though.
Position: (the options are endless, and we’re not sharing but we did have to google a couple just to get an idea. Thanks Cosmo!)
Activity: (well, this is how it actually went down. Also has plenty of options…almost too many. “Watersports”? What is that? On second though, never mind. We don’t want to know.
Users can also enter the date and time of said hook-up and then update their contact info…presumably more for those people with whom you stay in contact with. You know, for a quickie. There’s also a racial component that allows sexual deviants to enter their partner’s ethnicity. Racist? Yup.
Oh, but the site isn’t just about the entries you file. Several graphs show off statistics such as “hourly history,” a pie chart of “session positions” and VDNote statistics. Yup, that’s right! Because so many people today have no idea that STIs are possible from a number of scenarios, “nOOkist” is making charts for us to understand how risky our behavior is.
In a way, this is a smart thing. However, the manner in which it is approached is absolutely ridiculous! The site isn’t serious enough to really be trusted, and you should be aware of your sexual health without having to look at a fucking chart.
Hopefully, people will eventually take the website seriously (first step? Change the name!) because it has a lot of potential.
For now, however, we’re going to stick with the rule of threes: 3 condoms (not at the same time, just always on hand), 3 month check-ups and never more than a threesome. Ha, we jest… on the last part, at least.
So if you can remember everyone you’ve ever slept with, maybe it’s worth taking some time to use “nOOkist,” but we can’t, so…. there goes that plan!