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Facebook knows when you’re going to be single

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Facebook knows the most popular times in the year for break-ups.Thanks to unflattering photos, constant invites to join Farmville and Mafia Wars and relatives asking to be your friend, Facebook can be a scary place some times.

It seems, however, that Facebook is now analyzing relationships and confirming many fears that the social networking site is attempting to become an all-knowing genius with a plot to rule the world!

According to a graph that uses status updates throughout the year, Facebook now knows when you’ll get dumped.

CNN reports British Journalist David McCandless created the chart, which compiled information from 10,000 updates using phrases like “breakup” and “broken up.”

There are already so many things wrong with this. For one thing, it’s creepy. Why is this man keeping track of all these relationships? What is so important about knowing when people are going to break up?

While we’re still not quite sure why this man is stalking thousands of Facebook profiles, some interesting patterns have risen, and it certainly pertains to college students.

Two large increases in break-ups occurred the few days after Valentine’s Day (guys, that is what happens when you buy a shitty gift!) and the week leading up to spring break (girls, this is what happens when he tells you that it may be best if he goes to Cancun “with just the boys”?.

Valentine’s Day is a treacherous holiday where relationships get defined by Hallmark cards and M&M commercials. One mis-step and everything explodes, making the day a complete waste of time and money. These things are preventable, however, by stating your expectations for the evening’s activities.

Oh, spring break, your debauchery knows no bounds, does it? No only do break-ups happen most often the week before the party, they happen a lot afterwards. Drunken hook-ups always happen during spring break, and while we don’t approve, we understand the ability to “forget” you’re in a relationship when on vacation, surrounded by beautiful people.

Another big time for break-ups, according to the graph, is Christmas. As partners price their gifts, things get dicey and lead to arguments, debauchery and general malcontent, according to CNN.

The news site also said Mondays (“as if they weren’t bad enough”) have the highest concentration of break-ups. The summer and fall seasons seem to have the least amount of break-ups.

Possibly the funniest statistic found in the graph, however, is beautifully summarized by CNN. “And, possibly showing that some people’s sense of humor is more twisted than others, there’s a spike in breakups on April Fool’s Day.”

In all, break-ups we think are specific to each relationship, but we can see where some of these trend makes sense.

Still, the graph is creepy, yes?