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Valentines day can be tough

A bit of advice for couples on Valentine’s Day

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Don't have your Valentine's Day end up like this. Valentine’s Day might be a bust for singles, but couples get to have fun with their significant other without people staring at them for an overload of PDA.

In case, you and your sweetie decide you both are “tired” after dinner, stay away from these five flicks. No one wants to end up having an awkward discussion about the themes in these films, which include murder, adultery, drugs and a little S&M… it’s just bad. Code Word: Valentine’s Day, bitches.

To all those single peeps out there, these are GREAT films to watch to prove that being single is much better than being in a relationship.

Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf

It may have been made in 1966, but “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” still horrifies couples today. Starring Richard Burton and the legendary Elizabeth Taylor, this is the ultimate portrait of a married couple who absolutely hate each other. During a dinner party, Taylor and Burton subtly attack each other, but it soon gets out of control. And by out of control, we mean adultery and “spiritual cannibalism” as so perfectly described on IMDB. Taylor won an Oscar for her portrayal of a nasty lady who hates her husband and loves to play games.


In “Closer,” which won Natalie Portman her very first Golden Globe, four lovers destroy each other with their sexuality. G-strings, nudity and Julia Roberts abound everywhere. It’s sexy and seductive, but the two relationships at the forefront of the story ultimately unravel in dramatic fashion. Be warned: it’s so sexy, we’ve never finished watching the movie. It’s just so damn hot and we’re always watching it with our flavor of the month…

Also, seeing Portman in a pink Mia Wallace wig is just classic cinema.

Blue Velvet

For those who are into S&M, “Blue Velvet” seems the appropriate option. Couples can thank David Lynch for this thriller about a suburban gentleman (Kyle MacLachlan) who finds himself entwined with a villain who gets high off on nitrous oxide and a “masochistic sex slave,” as ABC news describes it. PBR never tasted so dangerous.

Fatal Attraction

If you haven’t seen “Fatal Attraction” yet, where the fuck have you been?! Not only is this a awesomely violent flick, it’s actually a great movie in general. Men should show this to their woman who’s been driving them crazy lately. They should get the message… especially at the end. Plotwise, Michael Douglass and Glenn Close play lovers who are eventually torn apart by marriage and the choice between right and wrong. Things get devious, however, when Close begins to stalk Douglas and his wife.

ABC says it might be worth watching as a couple, however. “If director Adrian Lyne’s sleek, steamy film has taught us anything, it’s that it is so much easier to stick with your husband or wife than indulge in an afternoon tryst. So maybe this is a good movie to see with the one you love after all.”

Natural Born Killers

The nineties version of “Bonnie and Clyde” (actually a great film to watch on Valentine’s Day), “Natural Born Killers” is best described as a psychotic thriller about a couple who kill people and then kill even more people. A hardcore and not-so-subtle look at the price of fame, this film could be considered romantic… if you’re crazy.

Of course, the chances of you actually sitting through a whole movie are fairly slim. What with spending $50 on massage oils, condoms, chocolates and candles, there’s really no point in wasting time in front of the TV.